May 14
False Positives: Final Chapter
Once you see it, you can’t unsee it, but until you see it, you can’t see it.
Life as an expert in the field of positive sciences turned me into a bit of a skeptic. Studying happiness made me pretty unhappy. Or, at least, studying happiness while living through a series of traumatic events was not the combo meal I recommend for your twofer Tuesday.
When we live in a ‘post traumatic growth’ state of mind, we also have new instruments and tools with which to navigate the world at large.
Staying open to new people, new experiences, and new ideas is done with caution. Not happiness. Not glee, or fancy free, but trepidation and alertness.
We ARE happy, but we wear it differently. We don’t feel inclined to prove it to anyone.
Being mindful means, we are cognitively aware of our surroundings at all times. We meditate when we have to, but also when we need to. It’s not optional. Some of y’all call it prayer, while others call it play.
It is what it is.
People who smile ALL the time, no matter what they’re doing? We aren’t going to trust them.
We are alert to the smell, no, the hint of a smell of bullshite. We know immediately when someone is trying to sell us who they are, instead of just being who they are.
Call us empaths or highly attuned survivors. Potato. Potato.
Empaths develop a survival skill necessary for survival skills. A lot like if you lose your hearing, your other senses intensify. Blind people have amazing hearing (broad strokes w/shades of differences in there, of course).
We are amazing at being alone. We survived alone. We don’t hestitate to speak our minds. We are open and honest about our feelings.
It takes years to practice being human again.
Somebody did you wrong song? Yeah. We all have a playlist of those too. Most of the time, the playlist is filled with songs from every era of your life. You usually don’t play them.
Instead, you are constantly on the look out for new artists and new music (metaphorically and literally).
People who survived trauma won’t want to get help. Until, they want to get help. Not all helpers will be able to truly help if they themselves never survived trauma.
If you are in the growth phase, consider becoming a helper. Someone else is out there looking around, saying, “what the fork just happened?!?!” ~ they have no idea any more than you did before your trauma story happened.
The positivity movement is one of the biggest gaslighting fiascos that’s ever been invented. It needs an *asterisk* in front of it or a warning sign behind it to say, “Not intended for traumatized audiences”
“Stay positive” has different definitions depending on who you’re with or what you’re doing.
Do you have a working definition of the concept, “positive”? There are multiple definitions.
If you’re being ‘positive’ through something that requires a negative action or reaction, I HOPE you know when to put it away.
I’m a bigger fangirl of “emotional intelligence” and “awareness” than positivity.
Sure, it’s infectious but so is genuineness and interacting with someone who knows exactly who they are. Sincerity. Honesty. Kindness.
There’s a vast difference between being upbeat, hopeful and content with your life, and being over the top happy on the surface while feeling pain underneath, giving yourself this … mask.
People who lived through trauma will see your mask. They will see underneath your mask. They will sense your underlying pain.
Know how to tell who’s in PTG? The now healed trauma experienced person will see, but respect the mask. They will be the safe bet. They will know to leave you alone. Those who’ve not experienced something darker or less savory will try to “fix you” with their positivity.
People all filled up with a false positive will drop you like a hot potato the moment you go through something dark and difficult. Gaslighting mofo’s that they are.
Most of the time, they mean well. Some of the time, you have to be careful around someone who is unhealed while they attempt to heal you.
Narcisssts (the pop-culture definition of wide spread generalized abusers, it’s not a clinical diagnosis … yet) and domestic violence abusers will target the masked up happy people.
They use the vulnerability against you. Be careful.
Here are Five tips for surviving the world in PTG
- Flex your new sense of self (inner Yoda)
- You won’t have an interest in correcting people so don’t
- Make peace with losing people.
- Have fun but we both know it’ll be quieter (or much louder) fun.
- You spent a long time creating and clarifying your identity at this level. You are a work of art. The opus of your work is loving yourself … just as you are.
Nobody else has to understand your journey. It’s yours. You own it.
Celebrate yourself right now, in this moment & know this … IF you have more to do … then do it. If you like it ‘as is’, then don’t do it.
At the end of the day, If you need time to yourself ~ take it.
Shut it all down. Give yourself permission to rest. Even if it’s for a few pockets of time in a day.
“Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.” (From Oprah and Maya)
I’m taking a writing break to adapt my work life to my upcoming transition into cottage life. I’ll be back. The art of living is calling.
xoxo
KH
henryhealing.com
I hope you honor your journey ❤
