False Positives. Chapter Two
“war on …”?
“wild woman …”?
Why are so many of the terms used to create the life we want for ourselves centered on aggression or war?
Except the ‘wild women’ who run around topless, in sexy long skirts or in bright clothing, leaping on beaches.
Do we HAVE to be ‘wild’ just to be free of the patriarchy? Free to express ourselves? There is no actual secret to happiness, but something you may not realize about survivors of trauma on any level …
They aren’t interested in being loud. Survivors and women who have experienced hardship might be rebel yelling for more, more, more.
But not all of us.
Some of us prefer peace, quiet, and tranquility. Not in a flowing white bamboo silk robe sort of way. There is more than one way to find an inner sanctuary.
I personally, never feel compelled to leap on the beach, or spread my wings to try to new things. I’m cool with putting my feet in the pool.
Being a sexy bombshell in a skimpy bathing suit to show off our fitness is great, if that’s what you’re into. But not all of us want to run that race anymore.
We did that in the 70’s, the 80’s and even the 90’s into the 20’s.
We want to rest, be left alone and do what makes us happy.
We can wear old sweatshirts and chill with a book & coffee … maybe a bowl of pasta once in a while. Live on a beach, or slow road it into the mountains, with a cool calm vibe of someone who learned her life lessons early, then graduated into fulfilling her own sense of wonder without having to prove it to anyone.
It doesn’t matter when you were born. That labelling of generations was a theory developed by marketing males who wanted to divide, then sell to various age groups.
It has nothing to do with the lives of women outside of consumerism. We aren’t all running around, obsessed with shoes. That myth was drummed up by romance writers, and million dollar mega thin actors who love pained feet or uncomfortable pencil skirts.
When are we going to figure it out that all clothes are costumes and status symbols? They mean nothing other than, make the wearer feel good.
There is no law that says we have to be a “go getter” or, “power couple” ~ a power couple of what, exactly?
Many of the female motivational speakers are extroverted, over the top and loud, or forceful these days.
Or, blinding us with high fives and bold colors. They are often also in secure relationships.
Being in a beautiful couple relationship is also trending now.
So are the 40+ women, who are working out to the tune of physical perfection, then auto-tuning their voice and photo-filtering their bodies so that only the Barbie franchise can live up to their perfection.
Good for the Elizabeth Hurley’s of the world, and the Halle Berry’s of the world. If that’s what makes them happy? Go get ’em girls.
However, I tried to follow that impossible standard of beauty for decades. I still ended up married to an abusive schmuck who was awful to me, and bullied by the cluster of ‘soccer moms’ who were awful to anyone they deemed unworthy of their SAHM status.
As if solo flying chill women can’t make it on their own. Still patriarchy.
As if women with curves aren’t somehow capable of having a profound inner positive mojo. IF you have to prove to the world that you are happy … you may not be as happy as you think you are.
Patriarchy and social comparison.
There’s nothing wrong with neutrals, or quiet calm demeanors. There’s nothing wrong with peace-seeking quiet conversations that don’t involve trying to ‘prove’ our knowledge of the world to the world.
As a matter of fact, the more we know, the less we talk about what we know ~ or experienced.
These days, I’d rather know people who do, rather than people who talk about doing.
I love being in my fifties.
After decades of being caged by a culture I felt bound to (trauma bonds are a bitch), I’m now free.
The last thing I wanted to do was to continue to be culturally bound to any ideal, trend, or way of thinking.
I was happy to have reached a point where I could be free to be me. To relax into wearing what I like, driving what I like, and living where I like.
Who knew there’d be push back?
Well, I supposed the elder women knew. You really should ask Grandma a lot of questions about what life was like for her … and Great Grandma if you are lucky enough to have her.
Make friends with older women. Ask them what it was like to be a woman in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. You may realize that, with all our technology, we still have a long way to go from the world being so different.
I haven’t come up with a catch phrase yet for this new state of being.
The word, ‘catch’ being the game changer.
I don’t want to be reliant on any more labels. I’m already caught in the snare of the ‘isms’ ~ sexism, sizesm, and ageism.
We are ALL caught in racism … for better or worse.
I hope that shit ends before the end of my life time. It’s been 50 years of dealing with that for me. Only because I was 7 before realizing I was part of it, like it or not. We all are.
As Daniell Kopek says, “I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth.”
The older we get, the more we realize that so much of what we are fighting, is only fighting us.
Let go, be free.
The false positive moral of the story?
I’m no longer interested in proving myself to the world, or demand that the world prove anything to me. I give myself permission to continue on this soul journey of freedom to learn about the world, my own way.
I wish that for you too, by the way. I hope you get to peacefully self-love in alignment with your heart’s desire of self.
OH … p.s… I’m going to continue this conversation over on happinessnoir.com See you there.
You can find a list of my other writing at