False Positives: Chapter 21
The four horses of the apocolypse live inside humans. They aren’t something coming at us or for us. They live inside. We have to decide to ride them or not.
No. I’m not talking about cats ~ but in truth, the Trouble with Tribbles and Fostering/Rescuing cats FEELS like a whole lotta trouble we get ourselves into. :) Can we be addicted to saving cats? Dogs? Bunnies or snakes? Probably.
In case you don’t get the 1967 Tribble reference … they, and we, can feel like life is overwhelming. A decision, a thought, or a way of life, when out of sorts, can feel very overwhelming.
But, I was talking about the things humans have to choose from that include …
Judgement. Hatred. Social Pressure. Appearance.
Spiritual teachers would have us meditate ourselves into enlightenment, telling us that our body isn’t real. Only our soul is real.
The cool ones keep telling us that we are “souls in a meat suit” rather than celebrating that we are living, breathing, organic beings.
Tell that to any parent who ever stepped on a Lego at 3 am on their way to let the barfing dog outside, subsequently, stepping next into said dog slime while falling backward into the coffee table.
I am. Therefore, I am real. Being spiritual isn’t an exclusive club. Our soul and body are in a contract. Sure, we have star particles but to think we are irrelevant or our personal challenges are irrelevant because the universe is bigger is the biggest bunch of bs gaslighting I’ve ever heard!
Give yourself some grace. You matter. You are matter. You are worthy of being thought of as mattering. It’s because you are part of the universe that your whole being is significant.
Gentler ways will remind us that our bodies are very real and we need to stop invalidating their existence. Spiritual bypassing is a form of psychological abuse.
When are spiritual and psychological scholars going to teach people how to honor their body ~ as is ~ without guilt, shame, or blame for it’s size, or color, or location?
We are all whole beings with all the parts
When will we be fully engaged in the art of being human with all our bits and pieces? Mind. Body. Soul.
At what point do we decide to focus on the balance of light and dark, the ‘negative’ and the ‘positive’ in unison?
In our world of psychology, we disect our human condition like we are our own lab rats. We study a sliver of the whole in order to best understand it. The “hope” can’t be plucked from the mental processing any more than it can be pulled apart from the aesthetic conditions of our conditions.
Brain vs Mind?
IMO, it’s not ‘how do we know’ as much as ‘why do we need to know’.
Our happiness is contingent on our lived experience, no matter how many millions of people fill out quantitative surveys. On my last happiness noir blog, i wrote about how some people are VERY happy causing pain for other people.
We have to CHOOSE to listen to a whole, happy, proactive, positive well-being. That doesn’t mean it won’t be hard. It will be for some people. Staying happy is forking hard sometimes.
Look at the evil MF and his minions ~ which one? Take your pick. They are delightedly destroying the universe for their own selfish happiness. Why? Because they want something that isn’t theirs and don’t care who they hurt to get it. The ultimate evil.
We are making progress with our discoveries, yet, scientists are also under pressure to publish ~ or perish. Doesn’t that sway the results, simply by a systemic reality?
Staying present and mindful in who we are means realizing what we can change and what to let go.
Appearance seems like a non-thing, until we realize that 100% of us are choosing what to look like every day. We say that’s not important. If that’s true, why is the clothing industry one of the wealthiest power-playing, hard-core judgement festivals?
Look at the way we dress ourselves. Each of us is, as Shakespeare put it, ‘on a stage’ for the world’s approval. (Paraphrasing of course).
- What we wear is the condition we lean into for the approval and social acceptance of others.
- What we say out-loud is heavily censored for the likes and follows of those we hope will notice us.
- How we speak to ourselves internally, reflects all of the rest of it.
If we celebrate our conservative clothing at Coachella, without the touch of flare and a whole lot of confidence, we’ll be called ‘tourists’ but if we wear Coachella garb in a conservative Boston mid-week or NYC business district, we’re weird.
I wonder how long it’ll be before there’s a “Housewives of Coachella” ~ :)
Our clothes are a second skin of sorts. They represent our impression of our thoughts. Sometimes though, they are simply chosen for comfort. Not for anyone else’s impression of us.
I once went to a conservative rural town in upstate NY, where they have NO business thinking themselves special in the grand scheme of things. I had just finished painting an entire display for an art show they had. I ran over to the town hall (chamber of commerce?) to give them my paperwork and fee for the weekend. The head of their chamber told me to “get out, we don’t want people like you” and kicked me out! Yeah, I had paint on my clothes and messy hair. But, I was also a college professor with a weekend gig.
I looked like the 4th day of an all nighter at Coachella … but older.
Straight up talked down to me ~ until, that is, I complained about how I was treated on Facebook on the town & my own pages. The people at the art show were so apologetic they asked that guy to quit, which he did. Feck that guy and every other ultra conservative upity person who believes they are better than others because of clothes. ~ if I had been Degas, or Monet, or Wyeth, or Madonna, or Lizzo, or Harry Styles ~ would that guy have treated me like that? Probably.
There will always be people who believe they are better than other people. Always. There will always be social comparison and social judgement.
Our skin is enough for others to react which is the least enlightening action of all. To be ‘mad’ at someone because they are too pale, or too dark, is ludicrous and yet, it happens every day. Getting mad at someone’s skin color is the most absurd thing humans do. Judging based on clothes? Dumb. But we all do it.
Hate is everywhere, hiding in plain sight. It’s one of the 4-horses.
Our biases (conscious and unconscious) determine how we think, how we treat others and how we live our lives.
Humans are preprogrammed with perception + familial biases. It’s one of our challenges.
When bendy, thin fashionistas took over the yoga industry, they also added in body shaming toward anyone who didn’t fit in a size 2 yoga garb filled with latex and spandex.
The body keeps score in other ways too.
We may not remember what they said (unless we were traumatized by them, then we remember every nuanced detail, as is the way w/trauma survivors). We may not remember what they did (except we do, again survival skills of the most ready for fight, flight, fawn or freeze).
We will always remember how we felt as a result of their hate filled hatred. People tried to “fix” Lizzo …. her strength inspires millions. I’m glad she clapped back. She’s a Shero!
The body keeps score in our impression of how society claps back at our mere existence.
The body, the brain and the soul are interwoven electrically activated, live, and in color, beings.
We may have the wrong skin, or worship practices, or exercise routine for some. We may dance the wrong way, or wear the wrong suit, or sing off key.
For one group.
But we are exactly right, perfect, and whole in the celebration of self in another.
The key to being who we are born to be is to surround ourselves with those who love us ~ just as we are~
In a world that is drowning us in the opinions of others, it’s hard to stay clear on who we are and how we will live our best life.
Deciding that through the storm that often comes with making big changes, we are able to become the very best version of ourselves.
They (whoever they are) will try to shame, blame or stop you from making whatever changes you need to in order to adapt to whatever stage of life you’re in.
Judgement. Hatred. Social Pressure. Appearance.
It’s all used against us when we’re making a change in our lives. The good stuff and the bad. Other people need their idea of us.
We can’t change them. We can’t correct them. We can’t even convince them. Of anything.
What we CAN do is be ourselves. No apology. No take backs. No pressure from the outside world to fit in to their idea of who we are supposed to be.
We were born this way on purpose.
We get to choose to stay this way by decision.
We know what we like, and like who we are.
So? What do we do about living a best life?
Check your Judgement at the door.
Check in to where Hatred lives.
Check on the Social Pressure to fit in.
Check your Appearance. If you like what you see? Own it. If you don’t? Change it.
henryhealing.com for location, location, location
I’m not a practicing therapist or coach at this time, so you’ll find my art, words and books about women empowerment over there at Henryhealing.com